The New York Times recently featured a story titled: ‘I Refused to Switch Seats on a Plane. Twice. Was I Wrong?’ The reader submitting the question wrote: “I am an organized person. When I travel, I book my flights well in advance. This usually lets me claim my preferred seat: on the aisle in the bulkhead row. I have long legs, and those seats tend to provide more legroom — not that I have to justify myself. This brings me to my problem: The last two times I’ve flown, a steward asked me to change seats to accommodate a parent flying alone with small children. My moving would allow them to sit together. But I didn’t want to move! (They could have booked in advance, too.) So, I politely refused. Several passengers made nasty comments. Was I wrong to hold my ground?”
The New York Times expert replied with: “Generally, you are entitled to sit in the seat that you paid for — the one that is printed on your boarding pass. (Let’s put aside rules about emergency exit rows and other special circumstances.) You weren’t “wrong” to politely refuse a request to move. Any number of passengers could have done so to accommodate those families. I wouldn’t be doing my job, though, if I didn’t encourage you to empathize with the parents. Flying with young children is challenging; doing so while sitting in separate rows, or under unexpected circumstances (a distant family member falling ill, for instance), is far more difficult. Now, none of this obliges you to change seats. Just let it be part of your calculation.”
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I totally understand both sides but as someone who is extremely organized and who spends hours planning trips and setting seat alerts so that my family and I get the seats we’re most comfortable in, it bothers me when I hear stories like this.
Obviously, there are a lot of variables involved. Did the parents book a trip at the last minute for an emergency or did they book far in advance and didn’t spend the time to get seats together? I’ve been on both sides of this multiple times.
There have been times when our flight was cancelled or missed a connection and there weren’t seats together. If it was just me and my wife traveling, we would politely ask if one of our seatmates would be kind enough to switch but if they didn’t, we certainly wouldn’t press them. We would just suck it up and sit apart.
But most of the time, one of our seatmates would switch and that’s because I made sure we had something to offer. No one in their right mind would go from a window or an aisle seat to a middle seat. So that’s why, if I couldn’t get seats together, I would at least assign us an aisle and a window so we had some leverage and a better chance of enticing someone to move.
I would also get on the plane early and ask the passenger before they got settled in. Once someone puts their bag in the overhead space, wipes down their seat and puts their stuff in the seatback pocket (not that you want to do the latter since it’s filled with germs), it’s more of a hassle for them to switch.
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I also try to keep our rows close together so people don’t have to move their bag in the overhead if I don’t reach them in time. The most coveted coach seats are the exit row and bulkhead so you can’t ask someone to switch rows from one that has extra space to one that doesn’t.
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When it comes to small children, the rules do get thrown out because you can’t expect little kids to sit alone. I remember once, I was flying from Los Angeles to Las Vegas, and I had an aisle seat. This was decades ago and I can’t remember why I wasn’t in an exit row but a mother sat next to me in the middle and her little boy sat across the aisle in the other middle seat. He was crying, “I want to sit next to you, Mom!” so before she even asked, I volunteered to switch.
Well, wouldn’t you know it … for my good deed, a few minutes later, a Hawaiian Tropics model who was terrified of flying, sat in the seat next to me. Yes, I was single back then and when she asked if she could hold my hand if there was turbulence, I couldn’t reply fast enough with a resounding ‘yes!’ But, you gotta be careful what you wish for. The turbulence was wicked on descent and she not only held my hand but she dug her nails into my arm. The worst part was that her boyfriend, who could have doubled for The Rock, was waiting for her at the gate when we arrived.
But I digress. If you want to avoid having to cave to peer pressure or looking like the bad guy by not switching seats to accommodate families, then book a seat in the exit row since kids under 15 can’t sit there. If you are someone trying to get a fellow passenger to switch seats, then make sure you have something to bargain with and if you don’t, cash helps.
What’s your take on switching seats on a plane? Drop a comment below!
UPDATED: Here’s some good insight from a reader, which will make you think twice about giving anyone attitude for saying no:
“One other thought on switching. When I was an armed federal officer on the flight (plain clothes), I could not switch seats. The pilot and flight crew needed to know where I was in the event of an emergency. Now I couldn’t disclose that at the time of the request and had to decline. Then came the looks. Now a flight attendant wouldn’t ask that because they know the reason. It was usually an individual request. So I’ll reemphasize not to get mad at the person who refuses. There may be another reason.”
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dear Johnny Jet,
it is my understanding that for identification and tracing purposes in case like pandemics and serious aviation or other accidents/incidents, passengers are to remain in their assigned seats;
in fact prior to takeoff announcements are made to take the assigned seats in my experience;
quite surprisingly to me, i have not seen any reference made to this “reason” in the comments nor in your own remarks.
Last year I was taking American Airlines to London. The fares were $531.00 for a Basic Economy seat and $688.00 for a Main Cabin seat a price difference of $157.00. Because I am handicapped, I paid the difference and chose the Main Cabin rate to be a little more comfortable. I chose an aisle seat in both directions as close to the bathroom as I could get which cost me $81.00 each. My total ticket, including seats, fees, and taxes, was $972.85. Once on board the plane, which was a packed flight, I was approached by a crew member stating they had a couple who wanted to sit together and asked if I would give up my seat for them, I refused telling her I was handicapped and I chose my seat based on the closeness of the bathroom which was still a short walk. The crew member was relentless and insisted I give up my seat and I stood my ground. I am not giving up my seat I paid $82.00 for. It is not my fault the couple decided to wait for the last possible minute so they would be assigned free seats. I told the crew member that unless they [American Airlines] gave me a first-class seat near a bathroom and immediately refunded the $164.00 I paid for my seats to and back from London, I was staying where I was. She stated I could call customer service and they would handle it. Needless to say, she walked away defeated and I kept my seat. It’s not my fault the couple didn’t reserve seats together. With a packed flight you get what you get.
Good for you
We booked aisle 6 as my husband is handicap and I was having knee problems,
we checked in had our boarding passes for row 6
then while waiting they called my husband up and moved u to the very last row
where we were crammed w a baby and mom on the outside
The people who sat in our seats were friendly w gate attendant
it was a dissgrace, I cannot believe they did this and after hours on the phone
Jet Blue was terrible to deal with
I am still looking as the flight was expensive for us to be treated like that and to be crammed
while my family was in row 7 we were split up my family was there to help me w my husband
Very rarely would I change seats. I select mine well in advance esp. for long transcontinental or international flights. Other people can do so as well. I am 75 and mildly handicapped (cerebral palsy mild) and mildly arthritic. So it is an aisle seat or business class or better.
If it Southwest, I always preboard and will not give up my aisle seat. It is crazy to expect people to give up an aisle seat for the middle seat.
I am 80+ years old and have a brace on my left leg. I always pick a right-side aisle seat for the ease of mobility…so I won’t have to inconvenience the other 2 passengers if and when Mother Nature calls. If I was younger and with no brace, I would consider swapping.
Would you change seats to accommodate a disabled person?
I have read similar columns like this one. One of the suggested responses is perfect: “I paid extra for this seat because (insert reason here). Are you willing to pay me X dollars for me to give up a seat I paid extra for?” (Added note: “X dollars” can be more than you paid, if you want to do so.)
If I am traveling alone, I will only exchange seats if they are offering a better seat than the one I am in. Of course, that never happens.
One time we were traveling internationally and a woman wanted my window seat. She threw a fit when I refused to give up the window seat next to my husband so she could lean against the wall and sleep. Her seat was an aisle seat two rows behind my husband. That was a HARD NO.
This dear, young woman ended up sprawling all over the poor lady sitting next to her. There were several conversations between the young woman, the lady next to her trying her best to sit in the seat she was assigned and the stewards, including the head steward from first class and the co-pilot. I don’t know why they let her stay on the plane as she caused problems before we left and for several hours during the flight.
I had booked a flight and paid for my seat on an Air Canada flight from Toronto to Frankfurt for August 31, 2022. An aisle seat with just one seat beside me. Shortly before take off three flight attendants showed up, called my name and when I identified myself I was LITERALLY pulled off my seat by my arm and given a new boarding pass. The same happened to the lady beside me. I was placed across the aisle. The lady in that seat was moved one row back. It turned out that the gentlemen beside me now was her husband. ??? The now vacant two seats were given to a lady and her little boy. Her husband was seated some rows behind. Again, as I figure, a family who had not been willing to pay for three seats together. I was very upset but it was too late to complain.
I get up a lot of flights and don’t want to annoy my seatmates, so I always book an aisle seat, and I often fly alone without my husband. If I was asked to switch, I would do it if it was an “equal” seat, ie, aisle, not right by the bathroom. Or I would switch if I was offered a better seat – biz or first, or more legroom. I definitely wouldn’t do it to sit in seat I don’t want – window or middle. And if I paid extra for better leg room, I would only do it if it was a short flight (less than 3 hours) AND I got a refund on the extra I paid for the better seat.
If its the same type of seat, I’ve willingly switched. But I’m not going from an exit row or bulkhead seat I paid for just because someone wants to sit next to their special someone.
My husband and I were seated in a 2X2 first class section, all settled in. We were in our mid-70s at the time. A stewardess with an elderly lady came to us and asked to check our boarding passes. We asked why and were told we were in the wrong seats. We handed over our boarding passes, which she kept (!). I was asked to switch seats with the elderly lady. I was in the window seat, my husband in the aisle seat. I asked why and was told the elderly lady wanted to sit with her husband. I asked where he was and stewardess pointed out the husband in the very back of first class. I indicated if I switched seats with the elderly lady she would not be sitting next to her husband. She would be sitting next to my husband. Stewardess and elderly lady went to front of plane, knocked on pilot’s door and got what I assume was the assistant pilot. He came back and asked me to switch seats. I said “no” and told him my switching would not solve the elderly lady’s request to sit next to her husband. The pilot kept asking in different ways/ I kept saying “no”. Finally, the elderly lady said she would just sit elsewhere. She complained about me all the way to her seat and I was stared at/ glared at. When the flight was over, the elderly lady’s husband was in the deboarding area and really gave me a glare. I do not know what exactly was going on, but I do not think it appropriate to ask a passenger to give up his/her seat and really not appropriate to get a pilot to ask.