The New York Times recently featured a story titled: ‘I Refused to Switch Seats on a Plane. Twice. Was I Wrong?’ The reader submitting the question wrote: “I am an organized person. When I travel, I book my flights well in advance. This usually lets me claim my preferred seat: on the aisle in the bulkhead row. I have long legs, and those seats tend to provide more legroom — not that I have to justify myself. This brings me to my problem: The last two times I’ve flown, a steward asked me to change seats to accommodate a parent flying alone with small children. My moving would allow them to sit together. But I didn’t want to move! (They could have booked in advance, too.) So, I politely refused. Several passengers made nasty comments. Was I wrong to hold my ground?”
The New York Times expert replied with: “Generally, you are entitled to sit in the seat that you paid for — the one that is printed on your boarding pass. (Let’s put aside rules about emergency exit rows and other special circumstances.) You weren’t “wrong” to politely refuse a request to move. Any number of passengers could have done so to accommodate those families. I wouldn’t be doing my job, though, if I didn’t encourage you to empathize with the parents. Flying with young children is challenging; doing so while sitting in separate rows, or under unexpected circumstances (a distant family member falling ill, for instance), is far more difficult. Now, none of this obliges you to change seats. Just let it be part of your calculation.”
RELATED: Worst Seatmate Ever: Frequent Flyers Reveal Their Worst Experiences
I totally understand both sides but as someone who is extremely organized and who spends hours planning trips and setting seat alerts so that my family and I get the seats we’re most comfortable in, it bothers me when I hear stories like this.
Obviously, there are a lot of variables involved. Did the parents book a trip at the last minute for an emergency or did they book far in advance and didn’t spend the time to get seats together? I’ve been on both sides of this multiple times.
There have been times when our flight was cancelled or missed a connection and there weren’t seats together. If it was just me and my wife traveling, we would politely ask if one of our seatmates would be kind enough to switch but if they didn’t, we certainly wouldn’t press them. We would just suck it up and sit apart.
But most of the time, one of our seatmates would switch and that’s because I made sure we had something to offer. No one in their right mind would go from a window or an aisle seat to a middle seat. So that’s why, if I couldn’t get seats together, I would at least assign us an aisle and a window so we had some leverage and a better chance of enticing someone to move.
I would also get on the plane early and ask the passenger before they got settled in. Once someone puts their bag in the overhead space, wipes down their seat and puts their stuff in the seatback pocket (not that you want to do the latter since it’s filled with germs), it’s more of a hassle for them to switch.
RELATED: The 7 Dirtiest Things on an Airplane, According to a Flight Attendant
I also try to keep our rows close together so people don’t have to move their bag in the overhead if I don’t reach them in time. The most coveted coach seats are the exit row and bulkhead so you can’t ask someone to switch rows from one that has extra space to one that doesn’t.
RELATED: How to Get the Exit Row For Free
When it comes to small children, the rules do get thrown out because you can’t expect little kids to sit alone. I remember once, I was flying from Los Angeles to Las Vegas, and I had an aisle seat. This was decades ago and I can’t remember why I wasn’t in an exit row but a mother sat next to me in the middle and her little boy sat across the aisle in the other middle seat. He was crying, “I want to sit next to you, Mom!” so before she even asked, I volunteered to switch.
Well, wouldn’t you know it … for my good deed, a few minutes later, a Hawaiian Tropics model who was terrified of flying, sat in the seat next to me. Yes, I was single back then and when she asked if she could hold my hand if there was turbulence, I couldn’t reply fast enough with a resounding ‘yes!’ But, you gotta be careful what you wish for. The turbulence was wicked on descent and she not only held my hand but she dug her nails into my arm. The worst part was that her boyfriend, who could have doubled for The Rock, was waiting for her at the gate when we arrived.
But I digress. If you want to avoid having to cave to peer pressure or looking like the bad guy by not switching seats to accommodate families, then book a seat in the exit row since kids under 15 can’t sit there. If you are someone trying to get a fellow passenger to switch seats, then make sure you have something to bargain with and if you don’t, cash helps.
What’s your take on switching seats on a plane? Drop a comment below!
UPDATED: Here’s some good insight from a reader, which will make you think twice about giving anyone attitude for saying no:
“One other thought on switching. When I was an armed federal officer on the flight (plain clothes), I could not switch seats. The pilot and flight crew needed to know where I was in the event of an emergency. Now I couldn’t disclose that at the time of the request and had to decline. Then came the looks. Now a flight attendant wouldn’t ask that because they know the reason. It was usually an individual request. So I’ll reemphasize not to get mad at the person who refuses. There may be another reason.”
KEEP READING
• How to Save Money With a Secret Third Carry-On
• How to Use Your Wireless Headphones to Watch In-Flight Movies
• 10 Airport Security Hacks Every Traveler Should Know
• How to Get the Best Coach Seat on the Plane
• The Sleep Hack Every Traveler Needs to Know
• Never Get Your Valuables Stolen on the Beach
Want more travel news, tips and deals? Sign up to Johnny Jet’s free newsletter and check out these popular posts: The Travel Gadget Flight Attendants Never Leave Home Without and 12 Ways to Save Money on Baggage Fees. Follow Johnny Jet on MSN, Facebook, Instagram, Pinterest, and YouTube for all of my travel posts.
Sorry but NO…..parents with children should plan better and if seating apart is an issue BOOK ANOTHER FLIGHT….your children are not my problem…..Sorry but not sorry
I think it’s a tough call. Do we really have time to ascertain and give judgement on the circumstances surrounding their seat separation? “Nope, that’s not a good enough excuse, I’m staying here”…I think I’d get fewer dirty looks and side comments by simply and politely saying no, then trying to figure out whether they have a good enough reason or can incentivize me to move to a worse location.
IF it was possible to have a civil discourse on the subject AND a convincing enough excuse was given (e.g., death in the family, emergency, not enough money, etc.), then I would almost always move, except to a location one poster mentioned above…near the bathroom. No, thank you.
In these days of having to PAY EXTRA a lot of the time to get a specified seat… I agree with everyone who politely says no, weighs ALL of the circumstances and what (everyone has to offer) if I do agree.. And if I don’t get a seat I had to PAY EXTRA for, I always request the airline REFUND MY SEAT MONEY! Don’t forget to do the same if you’re found in this situation! ESPECIALLY when your flight is canceled and the airline is responsible for your choice seat loss on your rebooked flight.
ALWAYS ask for your money back if you don’t get the seat you PAID for
The last time I bought tickets for a flight I did so in advance and chose seats… then when preparing to board, was assigned a completely different seat! Separated 3 travelers to different areas: myself, wife, n teenage niece. Paying extra didn’t count for Jack!!!
As a non family-attached member of society, who travels a lot and was faced with this more than once, it really bugs me when families put single travelers in this situation. Even the longest flight on earth is 16 hours and however much you love your husband, kids, sister, uncle, or fourth degree cousin am sure most people can survive being “separated” by five meters of seat rows for the duration of a flight. Often times members of said family will spend using their phones, watching their screens or sleeping. It really edges on entitlement in my book for families coming onboard and somehow feeling they’ve earn the right to seat privileges, disturbing other passengers and peer pressuring them into giving up their seat. You may be going on vacation with your band, but that one person maybe going to a dreaded funeral or a new job they’re already stressed about without you adding to their stress level because you need your emotional support humans next to you.
How about arriving at your seat and finding someone already sitting there, all settled in, who then asks if I mind him taking my seat so he could sit next to his wife? I didn’t say anything but thought after that I should have said no but didn’t want to cause a scene. You “have” to sit next to someone? Grow up. I traveled from Boston to Key West with three kids between 6 and 10, and we were not seated together. The flight attendant asked if I wanted her to ask people to move so we could sit together, and before I could reply my kids declined saying they were “all set” – they behaved as angels sitting alone.
I travel alone quite frequently, plan ahead and select my seat for a reason and hold my ground.
NOW, if the airlines want to “offer” an upgrade OR an incentive to accommodate someone who is whining to the flight attendants, I MAY consider such an offer, but more than likely not.
Like S. Kincaid, I am an older woman as well. And like her, I am NOT your sweet old aunt or grandmother. I have no children, hence no grandchildren. And I, as well, really don’t care how adorable your kids are. OR your ESA (emotional support animal). I am not moving.
I am an older woman who generally travels solo. I book my travel well in advance and select my seat at the same time. I do not give up my assigned seat. I am not your sweet old gray haired grandmother, and I don’t care how cute your kids are, I’m not moving. Plan ahead or drive.
I live on the Big Island of Hawaii and when I travel on inter-island hopper flights, I
purposely book a window seat on the pertinent side both directions of the plane to view the islands and the coastline. I really enjoy the views. For me it’s like watching the sunset, they don’t get old.
But being male and flying alone, it seems that the likelihood of being picked by a flight attendant to
give up one’s seat so a family may sit next to each other on a 30-minute flight is VERY high. It’s
happened far too many times for it to be a coincidence. If it’s not me it’s another male flying alone
being asked to move and I find myself chuckling under my breath that that guy got it and I didn’t get picked.
| doubt the flight attendants even think about this what I call “flight attendant gender targeting”. l’ve resigned myself to expect it for its’ predictability, and I do feel a little miffed when I’m picked again because of my advanced planning, but I just move. After all it’s a short flight.
After reading these posts, maybe next time I won’t move:)
I was also asked by a mother to switch seats. I agreed to do so, but her seat was next to the toilet. Unfortunately, I had to endure the smells for the rest of the trip.
I, too, book my flights way in advance and always get to the airport early. Unless there’s a very good reason I will not switch… and even then only to an aisle seat.
Usually I would switch, it depends on the situation. It’s best to put others before yourself, despite what some others may think.