Want to know how to travel in style, just like the pros? We check in with frequent fliers to find out how often they fly, their favorite destinations and what they never leave home without.
Name: Curtis Silver
Occupation: Captain of Industry
Hometown: Sarasota, FL
Residence: Sarasota, FL
College: Drugs and women mostly
College major: See above
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Short bio: A humorist who borders on the absurd, Curtis dreams of being a real life (paid) travel writer someday. Currently Curtis writes for numerous web outlets, including being contractually let go from Wired.com. He currently writes a delusional travel blog, Heathens of the Plains and loses way too much money in Las Vegas way too often. Always on Twitter cracking jokes and ranting about the way of the world, Curtis believes that the world is a grand and majestic place and we do ourselves a disservice by not wanting to at least explore a fraction of it. Also, he fucking loves sandwiches.
How often do you fly? About a dozen or so times a year.
How many countries have you been to? Labels are for shirts. I’m a world traveler. All my maps are missing lines.
How many continents have you been to? I can tell you I haven’t been to Antarctica. That’s a continent right? I got kicked out of high school geography for being a smartass.
Earliest travel memory: In the back of my parents’ station wagon, playing with my G.I. Joes as we drove north to Ohio. I would never see those particular G.I. Joe figures again, and I may have thrown one out the back window while climbing the mountains in West Virginia.
Favorite American city: That’s easy. Bar none my favorite American city is Chicago. Great food, great breeze off that lake, the people are nice and it’s not Boston. Pizza sucks though.
Favorite international city: That’s a tough one, cause most international cities make American cities look like meth labs. What do I consider when picking a favorite? The food and the architecture I would think. I’m going with Prague. Or Montreux, Switzerland. Yeah, Montreux. That place rocks. The food there is amazing. The women too.
Least favorite country: Mexico.
Country with the meanest immigration officers: Mexico.
Favorite World Heritage Site: Anything in South America. I mean, talk about amazing views of history. Rome is nice, but you can get better hallucinogenic drugs down in South America.
Favorite airline: Virgin Mobile. Wait…
Favorite aircraft type: Plane. Helicopters make me seasick.
Aisle or window: Window. Head hits the window and I’m asleep. 16-hour flight equals 16-hour nap. I don’t even have to pee. It’s like a hibernation. Put me in a middle seat and I have to take a whiz every 15 minutes like a 4-year-old.
Favorite airport lounge: I don’t go into the fancy-pants lounges. Usually they are full of rich assholes wearing sport coats over sweater vests. I prefer to walk around the airport, watch the people and sip coffee while listening to death metal.
Favorite U.S. airport: Tampa. Because it either means I’m leaving to go someplace cool, or I just got home from some place terrible.
Favorite international airport: See above.
Favorite hotel: This is a tough one. I’d still say the Cosmopolitan in Vegas. That place was awesome. They had two television sets! Not that I was watching television. But the balcony was nice. I usually stay in shit holes outside the U.S., or sleep wherever. Money saving trick: sleep on benches and in alleys.
Favorite cruise line: Going on my first cruise this summer. Really, I’ve never been. Not a fan of being trapped on a boat for a week, even if they have lobster and dudes in really short shorts.
Favorite travel credit card: I don’t use credit cards. Debt is not something I like to travel with.
Favorite island: Texas. Just kidding. I’d have to say my favorite island is Greenland. It’s really interesting there, because there aren’t many people and it reminds me of Hoth.
Favorite beach: I live in Florida. Pick one. Though honestly, I hate the beach. Sand gets in everything. The ocean is the worlds toilet bowl. That never gets flushed.
Favorite fancy restaurant: My kitchen. I’m a cheap ass. I’ll eat at bistros and sidewalk cafes, but never places where I have to tuck in my shirt or wear anything resembling nice clothes.
Favorite hole-in-the-wall: I’m trying to think of one, but for the life of me cannot. I’d go through my receipts, but nothing is sparking a specific memory. I’ve been to too many to remember which one was which anyway.
Favorite bar: Candy bars. I don’t drink, so I don’t even bother with bars. When I did drink, the Cock & Bull in Sarasota, FL (my hometown) was the best. Craft & foreign beers only.
Favorite fruit: Fanta.
Favorite food: Anything meat-wrapped in anything pastry.
Least favorite food: Anything vegetable-wrapped in anything pastry. Don’t fucking trick me with veggies. And tofu? Put tofu in front of me, even wrapped in a pastry, and I’m flipping over tables and perhaps starting a fire.
Drink of choice (in the air and on the ground): Water. Drink plenty of water when traveling. Or when living. When doing both. If water isn’t available, then Cucumber Lime Gatorade will do.
Favorite travel movie(s): Taken and Taken 2.
Favorite travel show(s): Anything with Anthony Bourdain. Or Karl Pilkington.
Favorite travel book(s): “The Time Machine.” That counts right?
Right now I am reading: A stack of Jack Reacher novels by Lee Child. Don’t judge. I know it’s mass market standard fare, but I just got done re-reading “Cosmos” by Carl Sagan.
Top 3 favorite travel newsletters/magazines/blogs: Mine, mine and mine. Hell, I don’t even read that blog much less any others.
Favorite travel website(s)—besides JohnnyJet.com, of course! Google. That counts right?
5 things you bring on a plane: A book (paperback), a bottle of water, patience, a good hat for napping and a readiness to nap.
What do you always seem to forget? What was the question?
What do you like least about travel? Condescending locals who apparently don’t want my money. I know the value of the dollar has decreased but you don’t have to be a prick about me not knowing the language fluently and trying to hit on your wife/daughter/sister.
What do you want your loved one to buy you from an airport Duty Free store? Chewing tobacco.
Favorite travel app(s): Candy Crush. What?
Most embarrassing travel moment: I was on a flight back from L.A. a couple months ago and I got hit with a panic attack. Doesn’t happen often, and never on the plane. I’m pretty relaxed about flying and hate using the bathroom. All of the sudden I started to sweat profusely and felt like I was going to explode from both ends. I could tell that others knew I was trying to hold in a freak out. It was a red eye and I had been up over 28 hours, so that may have contributed. I was able to get it under control, but not before sweating all over my seatmates.
Worst travel moment: Anytime I land in L.A.
What’s your dream destination? Not L.A. Probably a tropical island that isn’t classified as a third-world country or a communist dictatorship. Somewhere where the water isn’t full of bacteria and the local girls don’t want to charge you for their time.
Favorite travel charity: There are travel charities?
Best travel tip: Learn at least part of the language. Don’t go to L.A. unless someone is paying you to. Carry your money/credit cards in your shoe or tucked in your pants in a secret pocket. Don’t look like a tourist. Go where the locals go. Explore a bit. Don’t try to smuggle back fruit. It’s not worth the hassle. You can get fruit at the grocery store. Eat everything, don’t be afraid to try new things. Only eat at places you’ve never seen before and don’t have at home. Dance. Use protection.
One of my least favorite POSTS to read. Not funny. Not amusing. JUST BORING!